BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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