He had one of those small greek statue penises
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
