I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
