Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
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I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
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Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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