it's too hot outside to masturbate.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Come share oat with me in your robe
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
