If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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