so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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