i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
