I'm going to jail i love you
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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