Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
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I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
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I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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