And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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