at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I will pee on everything he values.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Drunk is not a location!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize