And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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