Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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