i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
