I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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