apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
