yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
