uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize