She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
