i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
