So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
