nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
