I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
