I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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