So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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