So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
