She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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