I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
