Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
