I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
