tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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