you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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