there's paper in my vomit.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
