Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
