I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
