Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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