I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
