I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
