Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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