he puts the penis in happiness.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
