I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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