dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
