yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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