Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
