My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
