is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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