woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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