it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
