If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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