cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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