"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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