Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
