sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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