Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
