I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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