when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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