I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
