everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
