shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
