His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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