did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
