It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
