BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He? As in you personified your dick?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
