I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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