Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
This is classic penis vs brain.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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