I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Dick very happy bro
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