remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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