Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
