Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Still dying that you shit outside
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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