he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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