I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
