Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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