He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
