I bet he comes in French.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
