Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
