yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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