I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
