Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize